Asked by Anonymous
Not sure what that website is, but thanks! Do you mind giving me your URL so I can follow you?
be careful what you say Facebook.
I have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long tumblr career. Skills that make me a nightmare for website like you. If you let my site go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
Signs of being an armadillo are as follows:
- You notice one day that you are an armadillo.
- Your friends call you an armadillo and you don’t know why.
- You have segmented armor and enjoy curling into a ball*.
- You feel like crossing roads in Arizona despite being in another state.
- Your favorite show is Xenarthra: Warrior Pichiciego
- When you went to see The Avengers, they wouldn’t let you in because you’re an armadillo.
- You eat grubs and ants by the tongue-load while not on Fear Factor.
- When you ask a loved one if your outfit makes you look fat, they reply, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU’VE TURNED INTO A FUCKING ARMADILLO BABY!!!”
* This may also be a sign of Samusaranism, a disease caused by playing Metroid too often.
“HONEY”
“WHAT”
“WHERE’S MY SPEECH NOTES”
“WHAT”
“WHERE. ARE. MY. SPEECH. NOTES.”
“I UHHHH. ORGANISED THEM.”
“WHAT?!”
“WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW.”
“I NEED THEM”
“UH UH DON’T YOU THINK ABOUT PRACTISING THAT SPEECH TONIGHT I’VE BEEN PLANNING THIS DINNER FOR MONTHS”
“BUT AMERICA IS IN NEED”
“MY STOMACH IS IN NEED OF THAT FANCY DINNER.”
“YOU TELL ME WHERE MY SPEECH IS WOMAN THIS IS FOR INTERNATIONAL JUSTICE”
“I’M MICHELLE OBAMA. I INVENTED JUSTICE.”
(Source: clenchuplegolas)